There is nothing more I ever wanted than to stay home with my kids. Check out my story why I became a stay home mom. I never thought it would become a reality. I would not change it for the world. But now with that said….
When I worked at a childcare center and I saw all types of mothers over the years. I remember seeing first time mothers leaving their two-year-old child for the first time and crying. I would wonder why the parents wouldn’t leave their children sooner.
I also saw another type of mother that was very comfortable dropping their child off. These are the mothers that understand they needed time to them self. These are the strong mothers that don’t have anxiety. If they got off early or had the day off they would treat their selves to a manicure, go on a date, go to the gym or go to the beach for the day. They completely deserved it too. They were hard working mommies that of course loved their babies but knew they need to take care of their self as well.
As I got older I would hear more of the horror stories about child care providers and the stupid crap they did to children. That’s when I totally understood these mothers that didn’t want to leave their children. As I stay at home with my children every day I realize that you need mommy time too.
I completely have anxiety and cannot leave my six and three-year-old with anybody. It is so hard to admit that I’m that mother that can’t even leave my children a second. I never have time for myself and it is wearing on me. I don’t want to admit that I need that time for myself because then I feel like I’m a bad mom (mom guilt). I don’t ask for help when I need it because I don’t want to disappoint anyone.
My husband craves my time and begs for us to go on dates. I feel like anything we pick to do, our children can just come with us. I know it’s important to still have time to connect with my husband. I have so much anxiety I can’t even leave them with my family. This is why we usually do dates in. Check out here the things we do when the kids go to sleep.
I was always a busy body but since I stay home with children I don’t feel like doing anything. I would tell myself that I would stay on a schedule and bring my boys to the park, library, and sports. Every day you will make an excuse so you don’t go. Plus since I stay home with my boys, financially it made sense to have only one vehicle.
I do go out once a week to the grocery store but honestly, think it would be easy to order online and get it delivered to me. But I know I can’t get that low. We have play dates at my house of course, but it’s definitely not a break for me. Don’t get me wrong we do go out but as a whole family.
My husband and I have gone out on MAYBE five dates since we had kids. I couldn’t really enjoy myself without thinking about them the whole time. I called them every thirty minutes. I’m not worried about leaving them with my family as much as I’m worried I will miss something. Or god forbid my husband and I get in a fatal car accident my children will be without parents. What if they get hurt when I’m not there? I’m probably so crazy since my oldest had a trip in an ambulance, check story here.
If we go to the park or birthday parties I always see us separate our self from the group. I don’t want my boys to get hurt so I keep them close to me. Plus it’s very hard for me to start an adult conversation. When my kids make friends they make it look so easy. I was always kind of shy but if I do talk it’s so my kids aren’t shy. If there are kids and parents at the park it’s easier for me to start talking to the child then the parents.
I’ve said it before, I love staying home with my children and would not change it for the world but you attend to pick up some bad habits on the way. Along with anxiety (I never had before). I have people ask me, what are you going to do when they go to school? Guess what, I homeschool plus we do virtual schoolwork with them which we love. After the first semester my oldest has already advanced to the next grade and if we were in a public school they would not allow that.
My anxiety I have is something I’m working on and hope I will heal from it. If not I know it will only be harder for my children. Being a mother is hard no matter what you have to do or any decision you make.
If you do become a stay home mom (which is a blessing) My tips for you:
*Make time for yourself
*Have time for you and your significant other.
*Make sure you get out more with your children as well.
Starting this blog has helped me a little. Slowly but surely I will find myself again. Let me know what you do to help with your anxiety. Love ya, Mary xoxox
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